Guest Post by Adrian Solomon:
A lot of my brides come to me already stressed about their Wedding. I love it when they make it to me before the stress gets to them [so I can help them avoid it as much as possible]. But no matter what, there is stress in Wedding Planning. It is, unfortunately, inevitable. I strive to alleviate that stress as much as possible. One of my main goals with my clients is to assist them in enjoying the entire process of Wedding Planning. Everyone thinks about enjoying the Wedding – but remember how long the planning will take. It is imperative that you enjoy this as well.
Why am I writing about this on a relationship blog? Because this stress has the potential of affecting your relationships. Yes – relationships is plural. You and your fiancee might be agreeing on everything in the planning process. [If so, it is likely that “he” is not too involved in the planning].
Maybe you are having a problem with a bridesmaid or maybe he is having a problem with his mother. Problem is a harsh word, but you get my meaning. These issues have the potential of causing problems for you and your fiancee – directly or indirectly.
No matter where the stress is coming from – we need to deal with it. First – deal with the issue. If there is a problem, there are a few steps to planning a wedding with less stress:
Steps to Planning a Wedding: How to Have Less Stress
1) Identify the problem. Figure out exactly what the problem is and who is involved.
2) Try to find the “why.” This will help you to understand the importance and will help you get to step 3!
3) You and your fiancee come up with a solution TOGETHER. This may take some time but it is worth it.
4) Implement the solution. Find the actions steps you need for your solution.
5) Let go. Even if the solution is not the best for you, once the decision has been made and the solution implemented, you need to let it go – FOR YOU!
6) Go on a date. When the difficult times happen during Wedding Planning, I want you to go back to your first date or the day you knew you were in Love – some memory that reminds you WHY you are getting married. This is what it is all about. [The date can happen before and/or after the solution – whatever will work best for you!]
Okay, our relationship expert might not agree with all of my steps. And these steps are certainly not set in stone. But I find if my Brides follow a process similar to this, there is a lot less stress in their Wedding Planning. The stress comes when you don’t find “the why” in coming up with a solutions and in skipping Step 5 [letting go after the solution is implemented]. Letting go can be hard – but do it for yourself and your sanity!
Here is an example:
1) The problem is that your fiancee is insisting his cousin Jane be a bridesmaid and you don’t want her to be [this is causing great stress between the two of you and his mother]
2) Talk to your fiancee – find out why he wants her to be a bridesmaid. [Perhaps Jane is his mother’s favorite niece and she was like a daughter to her.] And tell him why you are resisting.[you don’t want to kick out one of your other bridesmaids and with her, the numbers are not even]
3) Talk it through. Is it important to both of you that his mother is happy? You don’t have to kick out any other bridesmaids, as it doesn’t matter if you numbers are even!
4) You decide to invite her to be a bridesmaid, don’t forget to tell his mother to make her happy. [If you decide not to, talk openly with his mother so she understands your reasoning].
5) You have made the decision. It is done. She is in your Bridal Party. Now involve her and enjoy what she can add to your Wedding Planning and your big day. Don’t second guess. It’s done.
6) Have a fabulous date with your fiancee! Remember, this is the fun step!
It is so easy to get caught up in the minutia of planning your Wedding. It is easy to forget why you are doing all this stuff.
Even when things are running smooth in your Wedding Planning, take the time to go on a date! Make an active decision to remind yourself WHY you are getting married!
Good luck and enjoy the process!