Much has been written on the topic of consciousness in relationships. In Getting the Love you Want, Harville Hendrix stresses the impact of childhood wounds on our relationships, and the importance of becoming consciously aware of our needs. Dr. Charlotte Kasl, author of If the Buddha Married, espouses the benefits of “leaving home” ie. transcending childhood programming by recognizing the masks we wear and the stories we tell ourselves. And Gay Hendricks, author of the classic Conscious Loving, identifies unconscious projections common among partners and describes how to consciously co-create loving relationships.
The common premise shared by these relationship experts is that in order to use our powers of intention and create relationships in line with our values, it is imperative to rise above old programming.
The goal is to achieve a more evolved relationship guided by our creative mind, rather than operate from childhood expectations, distorted lenses, or fight-or-flight reactions.
Now this all sounds like a fine idea. But even our best intentions get dashed by force of habit.
This is because limiting beliefs running in the background of our psyches can take over without a sound. It is easy to get pulled into autopilot mode, which is by definition no longer a conscious state of mind.
For a great description of how this works, check out this video from TheDailyLove.com. This is a well-put summary of limiting beliefs with some good examples of how they actually impact our daily lives. He encourages us to become aware of our own beliefs, especially the ones that work against us.
I agree with this whole-heartedly.
But what I’ve found is that identifying and abandoning our limiting beliefs is not that easy. Even when we become aware of them—and know they are not true—they continue to account for 90% of what we see in our lives.
Consider this: The subconscious mind is able to process 40 million bits of information per second. It has no concept of time, so something that reminds us of the past will feel the same as if it is happening now.
Our conscious mind, on the other hand, does have a sense of time. But it is only able to process 40 bits of information per second.
So for those of us with negative subconscious programming, trying to change old patterns using only conscious intentions can feel like swimming against a tidal wave.
This is why it is so important to not only identify and ignore but change the limiting beliefs that ultimately get in the way of healthy, conscious partnerships. Because until they are reprogrammed, they still have the power to run our behavior as soon as we aren’t paying attention.
If you want a short, simple way to rewrite subconscious programming, see my free video below on how to internalize new affirming beliefs.
Some of you have already seen this. But for those of you who have not, I will show you how to create a powerful belief statement and engage the subconscious mind to bring new beliefs into your deepest, visceral reality.
You can apply this technique to changing your default mode in relationships (or on anything you’d like to change for that matter).
If you have any questions or would like to explore working with me one-on-one to make changes at the subconscious level, schedule a free consultation with me here.
Hope you find it helpful and as always, please be sure to let me know how it’s going!