Getting Over an Emotional Affair

by | May 17, 2013 | Getting over an emotional affair

Emotional affairs can be  just as devastating as sexual infidelity, if not more so. Emotional affairs are easier to carry out, more prone to denial, and–given the culturally sanctioned work-spouse relationship–much more readily available.

In my video below, find out what constitutes an emotional affair, and how to get over an emotional affair.  There are six things that can help your relationship recover, whether it was you or your partner who strayed.

How to Spot an Emotional Affair

  • Are you or your partner spending inappropriate or excessive time with a friend?
  • Are you or your partner confiding in your friend more than your partner about personal things?
  • Are you or your partner being dishonest about the amount of time spent with the friend?
  • Are you fighting more with your partner because you are no longer investing in the primary relationship?
  • Is there an emotional triangle?
  • Is there sexual and emotional chemistry outside the relationship?

What makes an emotional affair different from the regular infidelity is denial. There is denial because you or your partner are “just friends” and because this affair can happen in sanctioned settings, like work or public places. But just because you aren’t renting a hotel room doesn’t mean there is faithfulness.

It is easy to forget that emotional affairs can lead to full-blown infidelity. To see if your relationship is at risk, see my blog on Extramarital Affairs: 7 Risk Factors.

Getting Over an Emotional Affair: 6 Steps

  1. End friendship with the emotional affair partner.
  2. Always tell your partner what you need, even if it’s difficult. 
  3. Postpone problem solving until you feel connected.
  4. Have a no flirting pact.
  5. Don’t hang out with people who cheat.
  6. Be Patient. Rebuilding trust after betrayal takes time.
    (For more ideas on healing from an affair, see these articles: rebuilding trust  and 5 steps to healing from an affair.)

Emotional Affairs are a slippery slope. But with open conversation and re-commitment to your primary relationship, getting over an emotional affair is truly possible!

To discuss this further join us in our weekly Free Call at 3 pm CT on Monday.


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