All About Monika
Welcome! I’m Monika Hoyt.
I’m a licensed therapist and relationship coach working with women in committed relationships who are in doubt, stuck, and struggling. My specialty is facilitating complete relationship transformation by clearing limiting beliefs and following a step-by-step process to getting the right ratio of positive to negative.
My purpose is to help you create a healthy, loving and 100% authentic relationship with your partner.
Through my blogs, videos, and coaching, I show you how to be your best self from the inside-out in order to get the relationship you want and deserve.
My subscribers get weekly relationship tips that empower healthy ways of relating, and receive two free video trainings: The Proven Principle for Successful Relationships, and How to Permanently Change Limiting Beliefs.
Whenever I offer something new or make awesome discoveries I think you should know about, my subscribers are kept in the loop. (So make sure you’re signed up for updates. It’s free!)
“Monika gives me specific tactics and communication tools that help me move forward in my relationship. She brings clarity to help me see what matters, as well as what I can let go of. She also helps me see my partner’s side, so that I can respond from a place of understanding rather than just reacting.”
— Maren Costa, Principal UX Designer Amazon
More About Me
I live in Excelsior, MN with my husband and two children. I grew up in Minnetonka and went to college in Northfield, MN.
At 25, I moved to California and lived there for 11 years, mostly in San Francisco. Later, I spent four transformative years in New Zealand before moving back to Minnesota to be near family. I have always been interested in what motivates people.
In particular, I was drawn to the “helping professions,” mostly because I needed help myself (more on that later). I was—and still am–energized by the creative process of transformation that happens when we consciously choose new ways to live. It is amazing to see.
That’s why I became a clinical social worker. Working in the fields of domestic violence, substance abuse, and mental illness, I was fascinated by the special ingredient that separates those that break out of old patterns and those that remain stuck. I wanted to be involved in finding that ingredient, tapping into it, and watching the changes.
How can somebody create and sustain a healthy connection that looks nothing like their previous relationships?
How I Found The Answer
Before going back to graduate school, I took up acting as a hobby. I got hooked on what seemed like magic: When the actor believed what they were saying, so did everybody watching.
I found in acting what I’d been drawn to as a social worker. Whatever a person believes will come true. No matter what happened in the past. That is the power of beliefs.
This epiphany led me to study CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).
If you don’t know, CBT aims to change emotion responses by replacing automatic negative thoughts. It’s a respected and proven modality. But over time I found that, for many people, changes were slow or just didn’t stick.
How many times have you told yourself an affirmation and heard your inner voice say “that’s not true!” We can tell ourselves one thing, but our subconscious mind will disagree. This is how we stay stuck.
I was feeling disillusioned right around the time I read Bruce Lipton’s book, Biology of Belief. This was a game changer for my life and career. It taught me how beliefs are formed in our subconscious minds, and why no changes last without getting the subconscious mind on board.
So I decided to study techniques that engage the subconscious mind and change our perceptual filters.
During this training process, I began to reflect on how my own subconscious beliefs had affected my relationships: I’d sabotaged a long-term serious relationship out of fear, struggled with self-doubt throughout the years, and made countless decisions that made life harder than it needed to be.
I’d been in therapy previously and gained a lot of insight–but not a lot of change.
But once I got my subconscious involved, I was able to create new affirming beliefs and internalize them permanently.
I felt firsthand the freedom that comes from internalizing insights into visceral reality. I could see how my beliefs influence the people around me.
The cool thing was that I finally tapped into this power not as a social worker or actor, but as the creator of my relationships. I saw that what I believe on the inside comes true on the outside.
This magical process of transformation I had been seeking in others all along was now happening to me. And that is how my career and personal life came together with purpose.
How I can help you:
It is my life’s mission to help you permanently change core beliefs in order to get the amazing relationship you want.
Let’s face it. Relationships are the foundation of all that we do. Healthy relationships=healthy lives.
There are many coaches out there who can help you clarify your goals, break them into action steps, and hold you accountable. But in my experience, most people already know what to do.
Think about it. People trying to lose weight already know they should eat right and exercise. So why is that knowledge not enough?
Insight alone does not create change. Years of therapy is wasted if we can’t make deeper shifts.
I use a unique blend of coaching and therapy that not only helps you clarify your vision, develop goals, and strategize action steps, but helps you clear out the baggage for good.
I am known for my non-judgmental style and keen ability to hone in on the deeper issues.
So if you want to go deep and commit to real change, you have found the right place.
To learn more about how to internalize new beliefs at the subconscious level, get my free video here:
Or if you want to find out find out how we can work together, schedule a free 25 minute Relationship Audit with me here.
During this audit I will help you:
- Find clarity on where you are at in your relationship, and where you want to go
- Locate your blind spots & see what’s holding you back
- Create a vision for your ideal relationship
- Find hope that change is possible
- Determine if we are good fit to work together
I look forward to working with you!
MSW, San Francsicso State University
LICSW, State of Minnesota
LCSW, Board of Behavioral Sciences, California
Certified Advanced PSYCH-K practitioner
EFT certified, level II